


The Fall of Poe Dameron

by idrilsdarkwritings (idrilhadhafang)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Dark Poe Dameron, First Order Poe Dameron, M/M, Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Past Torture, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Protective Kylo Ren, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Poe Dameron, Twisted Hurt/Comfort, in a really fucked way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 01:20:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19861180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilsdarkwritings
Summary: Poe’s attempt at seeking death doesn’t go the way he thinks.





	1. The One To Turn

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: For super-secret-and-shy, who requested the following: “A sad, weary Poe comes to Kylo seeking death. He gets a new life instead.”

The throne room was painted black, and there was something about it that gave Poe the chills just looking at it. On the throne proper was Kylo Ren, looking out at Poe through that ridiculous mask. What he was thinking was anyone’s guess. 

“Well done, Varre,” Kylo said to the Knight with the strange mask that almost seemed like a human skull. “Leave him to me. We have much to discuss.”

”As you wish, Supreme Leader,” Varre said, and left. They had the same, muffled voice. Apparently, Snoke had made it a theme among the Knights to all but make them sound as much like Vader impersonators as possible. 

Poe faced him. “Well,” he said, “This is it.”

A tilt of the head from Kylo. “What is it?”

”This is how I die. Honestly...let’s get on with it. After you take off that stupid mask.” Poe paused. “If I die, I want to see your face.”

He had sought Kylo out on purpose, after all. If he was going to die, he might as well see Kylo’s face...one last time. 

Kylo unmasked for him. Removed his mask, and aside from the odd thin line bisecting the left side of his face where Rey had slashed him...he looked just like Poe remembered him. Older, crueler, colder, but still Ben. Maybe that was what really hurt. 

Kylo — Ben — spoke. “Tell me why you want to die, Poe Dameron.”

Poe paused. There really were so many reasons. There was his guilt over Paige Tico’s death, a feeling like he should have been in her place. There was Leia, ever unpredictable, kind one minute and cruel the next. There was the matter of death after death after death. (Hadn’t he ultimately retired from the Republic Navy to avoid such a thing? Why was he being dragged back into it?)

There was Ben — losing Ben had been horrible, and in one of the worst ways imaginable. 

Kylo tilted his head. “You really blame yourself?”

”Get out of my head,” Poe gritted. “Haven’t you done enough damage?”

Kylo watched him. “I did hurt you,” he said. “I’m sorry. For what it’s worth.”

Poe couldn’t say that he was expecting that. How kriffed up was it in the end that it was Kylo who apologized to him? Leia hadn’t, but Kylo...

”I can give you something better,” Kylo finally said. “Than what you had. We don’t need to be enemies. I think we’ve been enemies for too long...don’t you?”

The idea was too horrible and too wonderful at the same time. To serve the First Order was horrible. To have Ben back...that was wonderful. 

In Kylo’s words, there was a promise. A promise of something better. A feeling of belonging. An end to pain. 

He couldn’t betray his friends. Except...what friends? They blamed him. They all did. He just knew it. Kylo was the only one who didn’t. How kriffed up was that? 

“All right,” he said. “I’ll go with you.”

Kylo seemed to genuinely smile in that moment. Probably the first genuine smile he’d had in, what, eleven years? “Thank you,” he said. 

Poe merely nodded. In the end, he couldn’t say that there was much else he could do. 


	2. My Pilot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things shift in Poe’s life further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Waking up in his assigned quarters was far from easy, now that Poe actually thought about it. Memories flashed across his mind of Paige Tico, of the people who blamed him, directly or indirectly, for her death. It was his fault. He knew that much. If he hadn’t disobeyed that order from General Organa —

It was strange how he could still think of her, of her cruelty, even though he was starting a chapter that he didn’t know if he wanted. After all, it shouldn’t matter anymore. After all —

Varre Ren, the strange skull-masked Knight, was the one that confronted him. “The Supreme Leader wants to see you,” they said. 

“What for?” Poe said.

Varre Ren tilted their head. (Poe didn’t know who exactly was under that mask) “He wishes to dine with you,” Varre said.

”Right.” Even that mental image — it was uncanny, if Poe was to be perfectly honest.

Even getting dressed and following Varre Ren, Poe couldn’t help but feel unnerved. Even the idea of just eating with Kylo — it felt almost normal. Almost...too normal, for all that had happened between them. Everything that Poe had done, and had done to him.

Kylo was unmasked. Poe supposed that it wasn’t really surprising, considering that the Supreme Leader probably couldn’t eat with his helmet on. Still, he seemed uncomfortable, almost naked without the mask. 

“Sit down,” he said to Poe.

Poe did. “You know people will suspect something,” he said.

”They can suspect what they wish,” Kylo said. “I don’t care for their opinions.” A beat. “You seemed...broken when you came to me. It’s quite unlike you. Even when I...hurt you, you were hardly defeated.” 

“It’s not relevant,” Poe said.

”Still...you should have fought me. It’s what we do. Who you are.”

 _Don’t make me choose between him and you._ That was what Poe had said to General Organa in a heated argument about what should be done about Kylo. General Organa had brought up his torture after that. Like Poe didn’t know what Kylo had done personally to him...

”I haven’t been who I am for a while.” A beat. “And I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

”Not even the murderers, traitors, thieves and hypocrites you call friends?”

”They...” And yet Poe could remember how they whispered about him. Should be court-martialed was one of the whispers, can’t be trusted another. And maybe that was the worst part. Feeling, somehow, like he wasn’t even deserving of basic respect — all because of a stupid mistake he’d made.

”It was Holdo, wasn’t it?” Kylo said.

”Don’t.” Poe said. “Don’t do that. The interrogation...”

”I know.” 

Kriff, but how surreal was it that Kylo was the kindest to him in this whole kriffed up situation?

Kylo continued. “Do you know why I killed Snoke?”

”So you did it,” Poe said. “Somehow, I knew you would.”

Kylo sighed. “There’s only so much of Snoke’s teachings one can take. It wouldn’t have been unusual in the Old Republic era. One can say that with Dark Siders, masters mistreating their apprentices was normal by their standards.” A beat. “But Snoke...there was only so much I could withstand. I suppose, in the end, he failed the most central tenet of the Dark Side that Revan taught to Malak long ago: the strongest must rule if we are to survive.”

”So he hurt you.” Somehow, the very thought was repellent. Raised white hot rage behind Poe’s eyes.

”Nothing that a Sith Master wouldn’t have done to their apprentice.”

”Doesn’t make it right.” 

“My point is...we are more alike than you want to believe.”

Poe supposed he couldn’t argue with that. Especially considering what he’d done. 

“Did General Organa hurt you physically?”

”She hit me. And tased me. But I — ”

”You didn’t deserve that.”

Kylo was probably going to break him with this, all of it.

”Thank you. I guess.” 

Kylo nodded. “Whatever it takes, I will heal every wound you’ve suffered. Physically and emotionally. You won’t have to feel them again.”

***

Reporting to Kylo after his training was done for the day was almost something that Poe wanted, if he was to be truthful. To reconnect with Ben, to understand everything. It was kriffed up, feeling the way he did, and Poe feared it would all but break him in truth, but at the same time, Ben had been his friend. Maybe he was alone. Lonelier than he thought.

Approaching Kylo, Poe almost wondered if he should bow. Kneeling...he still had some unpleasant connotations with being forced to kneel on Tuanul. Bowing he could do. Before he could, Kylo got off his throne and walked towards him. “You completed your training for the day?”

Poe nodded.

”How was it?”

”Not bad.” Poe would admit that much. He had met some First Order officers who had been bitter about Poe’s takedown of the dreadnaught carrying Captain Canady (apparently one of the First Order officers who wasn’t a son of a schutta), but he had befriended the TIE pilots under Kylo’s service, so...

”Good.” Kylo’s hand settled on his shoulder, and Poe could have sworn, could have absolutely sworn he felt his heart skip a beat. It shouldn’t have felt that way. It did. 

Kylo continued. “Are you well?”

”Fine. Why do you care?”

Kylo paused. Then, “There’s no fun in playing with someone until they break — ”

”No. Really. What’s going on?”

Kylo paused again. Poe continued. “You could have killed me when you had the chance.”

”You’re too valuable to me to do that.” A beat. “And the First Order. You’re a valuable asset.”

”That’s it? Kylo...when I came to Jakku to look for you...” Poe paused. “I loved you then.”

Kriff, he had said too much. 

“Do you still?” Kylo said.

Poe paused this time. After all he had done, after everything that happened... “For my part.”

”I did too. For you...I would have done anything.” A beat. “We’ll have to keep it from everyone. Both of us. Could you do it?”

Poe nodded. He just had to reconnect with Kylo. He’d been away from him, apart from him, for far too long.

Kylo ran his hand over Poe’s cheek. A simple gesture, that already meant volumes as of now.

”Could I...stay with you?” Poe said. “Just for tonight?” He doubted he wanted to be haunted by more memories. Practically choking on them.

Kylo hesitated. Then a nod. “I’ll keep you safe, my pilot, from the monsters in your head. And I always will.”


End file.
